Getting back into it…

I guess as another week goes by and I inch closer and closer to my ever looming exam, I realise that I should be getting back into the swing of things because as soon as that exam is over, the weeks are going to fly by and before I know it, I’ll be back at University and back to the early starts.

 

I guess I have grown accustomed to my midday wake ups, but that is because I am not getting to sleep till about 2am…I have an overactive imagination due to all the creative writing that I do, so It is time for me to stop with the hyperactive mind and get some rest or at least get some rest at an earlier time because like my friend said, as soon as I go back to school, I am going to miss it and in truth I will, but it will also be nice to see my friends again. I have missed my best friend while he has been away and I have missed the constant motion that school causes.

 

In a way, I guess we all need the mundane workings of day to day life to keep us moving because otherwise what really is there to do? I couldn’t imagine just doing nothing, but then I don’t like doing too much. I had to be my mother for a week because she was ill and I wanted to crumble by the end of it. No, I like doing a little, but not too much that I want to crash every few minutes.

 

I was always told that my body would give out on me before my mind did and I have seen it happen first hand, so I exercise my mind, but that doesn’t mean I am out of shape before anyone says anything…
No, I just like to keep my mind active because if I don’t…well then the memories come back and I don’t like that…so I write and I enjoy doing that, but I also like to learn things, which I think is another reason why I write because to write, it has to be 1/3rd research at least because you have to have something behind it to make it seem believable or it is entirely made up and people will get bored. Even if the research is as trivial as finding out names of angels…you still have to do it…

 

Getting back into the swing of things, I find gets harder as the weeks drag on. I mean, I have been off of school for 5 weeks now and as I have grown more accustomed to the lazy days and not needing to go outside into the cold, I have found it harder to go to bed at a ‘decent’ hour and not wake up well into the afternoon, but I am nowhere near as bad as my sister who has been known to sleep from midnight to 4 in the afternoon, I mean really?

 

Anyway, babbling I am, I guess my point is, as the weeks get shorter and shorter and I get ever closer to the start of my second semester, it has made me realise how much I need and want that motivation back in my life, I mean writing my books and posting them online, which is something I haven’t had the courage to do in like ever…has helped me to chase away the mundane days, but to have a reason to leave the house will be nice…as long as it is not raining or snowing outside, otherwise I am really going to hate it…

 

So what I am trying to say, although terribly, is that you shouldn’t let your mind slack…you exercise your body and so why not your mind? I do and I am smarter for it. Your mind will live on and so don’t let the droll day to day stuff get it down, do something enriching for it and for you.

 

Oh and have fun while doing it…

 

ALSO JUST A WARNING, SNOW IS COMING…Not sure if I am to be happy or not yet, guess we’ll see how much of an inconvenience it causes.

 

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I miss you

Now when I say ‘I miss you’ a lot of people spring to mind.

  • There is my BFF Emily who has gone to America and is studying Drama there
  • There is my granddad who has been gone almost a year now
  • There is my old mentor who practically pushed me through 7 years of school
  • There is my old ICT teacher who inspired me to pursue a career in ICT

It is upsetting, I guess, how we end up accumulating these ‘I miss yous’ like old greeting cards and you know that you just can’t get rid of them, so you just to fill the void that these people have left in your life. They might not have meant to do it, but because of reasons such as death, school and getting older, you’ve had to leave them behind and move on with your life. So now I have had to get a new BFF who is in my class and he’s great, but he’s not Emily and no one can fully replace her.
I have had to get a new mentor because of my dyspraxia and she’s great, she reminds me a lot of my old mentor and she talks to me, but she’s not the same, she doesn’t do all the things my old mentor did with me. She cares more about my education and not about me.
Then there is my ICT teacher and he was great, but I’ve had to leave him behind as I grew up and I have an teacher who reminds me a lot of him and I get on great with him, but still, there is no way that none of these people can replace the ones that I have lost.

Now my granddad, he can’t be replaced. I’ve tried. I have tried to get a new favourite grandparent and to fill the void, but I just can’t. He was it and he always will be. My grandfather was the only grandfather I had left and no matter how my grandmothers I adopt, it’s just not the same.

It’s funny how we can replace some people almost fully, but still hold on to a part of them as we go on like with my old mentor, I still email her and talk to her, but I try to establish a relationship with my new one and with my ICT teacher, I’ll forever be thankful, but my new teacher has helped to replace him quite well and he actually asks me about things. And with my best friend, she’ll always be a big part of my life, but my new best friend is one of the best things to happen to me since I have been at uni, but then there are people that we can’t replace at all. Normally it is loved ones. The ones who leave a mark on us. I see a lot of my grandfather in my mother and that makes me happy because then he’s still here. He’s still with me through me and through my mother. Just looking at her makes me remember him.

So here are two songs which I think some up how I am feeling.

So I miss you is all I can say because there are a lot of people I miss and I’m sure that is the same for you. So next time you sigh and say ‘I miss you’ think back to all who you miss because I am sure there is more than one person who you miss.

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Have you read Lost Lives

I’m reading “Lost Lives” – http://www.wattpad.com/story/3731829 – on the Wattpad app http://www.wattpad.com/download

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Have you read Pregnant Princessa

I’m reading “Pregnant Princessa” – http://www.wattpad.com/story/3733198 – on the Wattpad app http://www.wattpad.com/download

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2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,400 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

 

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What is a friend?

Will someone please tell me what a close friend or even what a true friend is because at this moment in my life, I don’t even think I know what it is.

I don’t even know what i would classify as a good friend or a close friend nowadays. I always thought that a good friend was someone who would keep promises, talk to you everyday or so, always be there for you when you needed them…etc. well someone should have told me when I was younger that I was bloody kidding myself.

I really should have listened to my mother. She said that we come into this world on our own and we leave the same way. She told me that the only people you need in your life are your partner and your kids, but me being me, the stupid trusting idiot that I am, I thought no! friends will be different and they will be better than family, was I ever bloody wrong!

Whatever happened to keeping promises and following through on things? Why can’t I ever get a friend that does that? I think I can only say that one of my friends has ever been trusting enough, but the rest? They would drop me at the drop of a hat for either their ‘best friends’ who they have known for less time than they have known me or for their boyfriends. Do they really think that I am going to be here for them forever? Not if they keep f**king treating me like this.

Even my best friend at uni, he keeps as many promises as he can, but I am always getting bumped off for something else or someone else when I am the one that is trying to help him with school work!!

Is it just me that has a delusional idea that when a friend says they are going to do something or that they have promised something that they bloody do it, not end up brushing you over for someone else. I mean I am not totally selfish, I understand when it is for something important or something terrible has happened that you know and understand why they can’t do it, but to pass you over a day before you were meant to do the thing with them, doesn’t give you a lot of time to make other plans, does it?

Do people really think that you are going to keep any friends if you keep passing them over for some guy or some thing else that you think is more important than them? I’m sorry, but that’s not going to get you any friends and your not even going to be able to keep the ones that you have. In other words, say hello to lonersville – population you!

Once, just once, I would like to find a friend that is going to be there for you if you want them to. I would like a friend who is going to keep promises and i would like a friend who isn’t going to let me feel like I am being pushed over all the time. I took it from my old best friend, I am not going to take it anymore. So if all of a sudden I am not talking to you, taking forever to reply to you or just ignoring you when it comes to wishing people happy birthday/Christmas/new year then you know why.

They say you can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends then why do I always pick the ones that are never there for me? That isn’t much different from my bloody family.

So seriously, what is a friend? What is a decent friend? I feel like I really don’t have one at the moment. I am sick of having my feelings hurt and being let down. I don’t want to keep putting myself out there just to be hurt again. it really isn’t worth it.

I could blame my Zodiac sign (Look at my last post), it says i am too trusting, so maybe I should just close up my heart and shut up ranks. Put up a sign that says ‘WANT A FRIEND? AIN’T GONNA FIND ONE IN ME! GOODBYE’

I can see why my mother doesn’t want/have a lot of friends cos she doesn’t want to get hurt and now i can understand what she is talking about. Why do i keep setting myself up to get hurt? I also blame Facebook because those ‘friends’ you have on there, they ain’t your friends they are just people who you went to school with who want to check up on you to see if your life is shitter than there’s so that they can pass judgement – not a friend.

SO SOMEONE PLEASE, ANSWER MY QUESTION, WHAT IS A FRIEND?

Because according to theurbandictionary.com it is:

A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal.

A friend is someone who is happy to spend time with you doing absolutely nothing at all; someone who doesn’t mind driving you on stupid errands, who will get up at midnight just because you want to go on an adventure, and who doesn’t have to talk to communicate with you.

A friend is someone who not only doesn’t care if you’re ugly or boring, but doesn’t even think about it; someone who forgives you no matter what you do, and someone who tries to help you even when they don’t know how. A friend is someone who tells you if you’re being stupid, but who doesn’t make you feel stupid.

A friend is someone who would sacrifice their life and happiness for you. A friend is someone who will come with you when you have to do boring things like watch bad recitals, go to stuffy parties, or wait in boring lobbies. You don’t even think about who’s talking or who’s listening in a conversation with a friend.

A friend is someone for whom you’re willing to change your opinions. A friend is someone you look forward to seeing and who looks forward to seeing you: someone you like so much, it doesn’t matter if you share interests or traits. A friend is someone you like so much, you start to like the things they like.

A friend is a partner, not a leader or a follower.

The word “friend” comes from Old English “frēond”, which is actually the present participle of “frēogan”, which means “to love” and “to honor”.

really? because at the moment I don’t feel like I have one of them.

 

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Does my Zodiac Sign affect my personality?

Now I have always wondered if the Zodiac Signs that we are born in can affect our personalities and if we were born in them for a reason, so to put it to the test, I looked at my Zodiac sign and my personality. The bold and italicized areas are like me.

My sign is an Aries, born between March 21st and April 19th.
Aries Traits

Arians are known to be generous people. They give of their time, effort, money and sympathies. They have both moral and physical courage and will give support to anyone they believe is being treated unfairly, or to any cause they deem worthy. They are creative, open hearted, and high spirited

Adventurous and energetic – Now I am when I want/need to be.
Pioneering and courageous –
Not really sure I’m pioneering, but I am a little courageous
Enthusiastic and confident –
I am both of these.
Dynamic
and quick-witted – Yes, I am both of these.

On the dark side…

A high energy output is cause for great anxiety in some Arians. Sometimes, this anxiety is so intense and unmanageable that it becomes a cause to abandon a venture out of fear of failure. They then redirect their energy into something new. Another flaw in the Arian makeup is a fear of rejection. Rejection is near the top of their list of fears. If the Arian is not certain of acceptance, to avoid rejection, they do the rejecting first. The best defense is a good offense.

Selfish and quick-tempered – Yes, I am definalty this
Impulsive and impatient –
Yes, I am these
Foolhardy and daredevil –Not really

LIKES

  • Action – Yes
  • Coming in first- Yes
  • Challenges- Sometimes
  • Championing Causes – Dunno
  • Spontaneity – Sometimes

DISLIKES

  • Waiting Around- Very much so
  • Admitting Failure- Very much so
  • No opposition- yes
  • Tyranny- Don’t think so
  • Other peoples advice – oh hell yes

If your birthday falls between March 21st and April 19th, you are an Aries woman: fiery, energetic, independent and intelligent. Your world is in constant motion. If a new challenge arises, you tackle it full steam ahead. Sometimes it’s necessary to be clever in order to accomplish your goal, but never fear, you’ve got plenty of brains to spare. Totally efficient in every endeavor, the Aries woman does not tolerate failure.

Element — Fire

Aries individuals are fire signs. As you would expect, they have sizzling personalities. Being a fire sign always indicates a woman who is creative in unique ways. When influenced by the fire element, spontaneity is infused into their persona. Their zest for life is limitless; their quest for fun never-ending. Fire signs sometime burn out of control attempting to burn the candle at both ends. For this reason, it is best to take a break once in a while to regroup and reenergize.

Characteristics

Women ruled by the sign of Aries possess an impeccable sense of style. Yet, despite all this elegance, they remain children at heart. Although they are independent and outgoing, they are surprisingly naïve and trusting. This openness often leads to disappointment, but the Aries woman quickly bounces back. This planet is her magic place, and she makes the most of her time on it. She’s not a person that “talks a good game,” she actually “walks the walk.” Expect this fiery woman to be impulsive, forceful and dynamic — with lots of drama thrown in for good measure.

Love
Because the Aries woman is inherently assertive, the man of her dreams will be a “real man.” If he is successful, then all the better for her; she likes to place her man on a pedestal (if he is deserving).

A romantic relationship with a sweet, quiet guy won’t work for her. It’s important to choose someone who will hold his own and will not intimidate easily, otherwise life will become way too boring for Aries. On the other hand, they dislike restrictions of any kind and a possessive relationship will end up going nowhere. That does not mean she won’t be a little possessive herself. She sees nothing wrong in that. (I NEVER fall for the sweet guy. It is always the one with more mystery and fire)

Marriage
Once the choice for a lifetime partner is made, there are certain criteria necessary to keep the marriage intact. For one thing, the spouse should know how to keep a little mystery in reserve. He must remember his woman always comes first. In most cases, if an Aries marriage fails it is because the Aries woman is bored stiff, or feels her attributes are unappreciated by her spouse. Before calling it quits, however, she will make every effort to hold the marriage together. If the passion cools and the excitement becomes nonexistent, she will throw in the towel. (Which I believe to be very true)

Money
The Aries woman loves to spend. She is the ultimate impulsive buyer. If she sees it and loves it, she buys it. Thank goodness she’s also good at making money, because her itch to fulfill her wishes is boundless.

Career
Regardless of her career, Aries must feel good about her position and how it fits into her life. It’s important for Aries to feel she is at the top of her game. Aries women are natural super-achievers. It often doesn’t take much exertion for them to accomplish a good deal of success.

Friends
Aries women make friends easily, most of their relationships are friendly without being totally committed.
Aries is too busy living life to devote huge chunks of time to others. She has two or three close friends who are spontaneous and adaptable. Whenever Aries seeks adventure, they’re right there beside her.

Health
The typical Aries woman has the physical stamina of a long distance runner. Generally healthy, these robust subjects have been known to stave off the flu through sheer willpower. Arians are simply too busy to be sick. As impervious as they may seem to harm, the same cannot be said for their emotions. As strong willed as they may appear on the surface, their feelings do get hurt and mostly because they don’t give themselves enough time to think before acting.

Home
Since the Aries woman is always out and about enjoying a multitude of different activities, her home is not as important to her as it is to other zodiac signs. You won’t find her painting a bookcase when she can be out having a good time. However, she is fully aware that her home is an extension of herself, therefore she must be satisfied with the way things look before she heads out the door looking for excitement.

Lucky Stone(s)
Diamond, Ruby – I like both

Lucky Talisman
Metal Iron

Positive Qualities
Enterprising, Incisive, Spontaneous, Daring, Active, Courageous, Energetic

Negative Qualities
Impatient, Impetuous, Selfish, Jealous, Vain, Proud, Egoistic, Coarse, Brutal, Possessive, Violent

Seducing an Aries woman

An Aries woman can be incredibly attractive which is why she is used to getting her way with men of practically every zodiac sign. So in order to set yourself apart, go a little slow with her and cater to her varied interests before getting her to sleep with you. Surprise her with a salsa move that you picked up recently or whisk her off to an evening drive to watch the sun set over the sea. But take care not to put her on a pedestal too early on. Praise her when she deserves it but also keep in mind that hanging her about for too long might fizzle out her interest in you.

Finally both Aries men and women are energetic and passionate lovers. They are extremely creative, exciting and quite inventive. However the thing to remember about Aries lovers is that they more often than not they tend to put their desires first.

This wandering streak is also apparent in the Aries woman. No matter how good a time you have had with her, she simply cannot be tied to a leash. She needs the freedom to express her varied interests and to burn off her abundant energy. She sincerely believes that no matter how great a guy is, they are just not “good enough” for her.

If you are looking for commitment from an Aries lover, your best bet lies in letting them know you are strong enough to take their waywardness in stride. If he or she tries to pull away, let them do so. Trying to hold them back will only make them want to run away faster. If they truly love you and when they are ready to realize this, they will come back to you. But before that they need to know that you are emotionally independent and mature enough for a long term relationship. (I wish the guys who like me would remember this)

So maybe there is something in this Zodiac sign affecting my personality because I see a lot of myself in these traits. So maybe I was born on a particular day of a particular month for a reason, so that it could determin my future. Maybe…just maybe…

Aries Symbol

Aries Symbol (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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So that was christmas?

All I want for Christmas is to not be sad one day is that too much to ask.

https://keepbeingstrong.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/christmas-magic.jpg?w=300 Does it??

I mean really, that was christmas? Gone are the days when I would wake up with a jump in my step and a curious mind about what I could have gotten. Gone are the days when I would leave my house in a new piece of clothing that I had been given. Gone are the days when I would be able to choose how much food I wanted to eat and what I wanted to eat.

This year, to me, christmas seems like any other day. I know that it is selfish and childish of me to be whining that my christmas this year lacked in its usual panache, but I guess the old saying that you never know what you’ve had till you’ve lost it really comes to mind. I guess I wished and thought that these Christmases would last forever and in the end, everything must come to an end.

I guess I just miss my granddad being around. He could bring a smile to my mum’s friend instead of her being a down in the dumps woman who is getting down on her self about the fact that my father is having another one of his temper tantrums about this that or the other because my granddad would shut him up and tell him to grow up, which now no one can do. If my granddad was still here than my mother would not have to cook and we’d have been able to get out of this house.

I don’t know what it is, but I guess to me this year, Christmas was just like any other day of the week, just with more food and a few gifts. Is it just me? Or has christmas just disappeared? I really want that christmas spirit back and I guess I will just have to wait until I have children to get it back.

Once I have children, I’ll give them their gifts and watch them open them with glee. I’ll give the breakfast and play with them in the morning. I’ll take them to their grandparents and we’ll have a big family dinner. Then I’ll put them down for a nap, when they are young and then we’ll have tea before playing a board game. It’ll all be fun. I guess I just want the magic back.

https://i2.wp.com/www.mostlylegit.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/waronchristmas-300x229.jpg Is it bad when you look forward to New Year‘s Eve and going clubbing with your friends rather than having Christmas at home with the family? I guess you could blame it on the fact that I am 18, but having a sick sister, an even sicker and angrier father, a sick cat, a depressed mother and an upset middle sister at christmas really doesn’t get my heart going anymore or my stomach twanging with butterflies.

2013 had better be better than this. I have to keep my spirits up and believe that 2013 will be better.

The older I get the less Christmas Spirit I have…

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Christmas, flu and becoming ‘mum’

This is the first christmas where I feel I have lost the christmas spirit. It may be for a number of reasons. The main two that I can think of are that:

  1. My granddad is gone and so I am spending christmas at home this year, not with him or my nan
  2. Due to my mother being ill with the Norovirus, I have had to become mother to my younger sister and so I have had to wrap ALL the presents…including my own.

I was warned when I was younger that as I grew older that I would lose the christmas spirit, but I never thought it would be this fast. Even putting up the decorations this year, which always falls to me, didn’t excite me like it used to. I used to get into a real excitable state when I put them up because I knew that I was 13 days away from christmas and from the traditions that have been done for the last 17 years of my life, but now? I don’t know where it has gone.

It reminds me of that song in that Grinch movie:

I guess I just miss my grandfather because I would look forward to going over to his and giving him his gifts to open. I would love to see the look on his face when we got him a book that he hadn’t read and I loved sitting by his side, telling him about the things I’d been given. We’d talk about what we could watch that day, but we ALWAYS had to watch Dr Who and I’d set the table with his guidance. I’d stand by his side while he cut the meat and nick bits of it here and there, but we’d end up doing it together in the end. We’d joke about how we’ll have to wear the paper hats again and that nan cooks enough for an army. We’d be sarcastic and we’d make fun, but playfully and now? Now I don’t have that. Now I won’t ever be able to see him smile at his gifts again. I won’t be able to sit by his side to talk to him. I won’t be able to watch TV with him or set the table with his guidance. I won’t be cutting the meat with him or making sarcastic jokes with him because…because he’s gone.

So not only is my christmas spirit diminished or even gone, I have also had to play ‘mummy’ all this week, which is why I have been away for so long. My mother came down with that Norovirus and it wasn’t a 3 day thing. It was 6 days and 2 hospital visits. So I had to take my sisters to school, make their lunches and then I would have to sort the presents, wrap them and make sure that my mother had enough medicine, food and water. I then had to buy the last of the presents, wrap them and do the washing, cooking and washing up on alternative days. I got sleep when I could. It made me realise that as much as I love and want children, I don’t right now because I can admit that I am way too selfish to take care of another human being.

So I have been to the hospital 4 times in the last month and twice was for me. It is safe to say that I have seen the inside of a hospital enough times to last me a lifetime or at least a decade. That’s one of the main reasons that I haven’t been blogging for a long time.

Another is that it was coming to the end of Semester and I was focused on my end of semester test, which was really hard.

A good thing that has happened to me though is that I have actually plucked up the courage to enter into a novel competition and although I won’t hear till my birthday, it is still a milestone for me because 4 years ago I would have been a nauseous wreck at even the thought of this competition, but I am just glad I had the courage to enter.

So with christmas coming up, remember the old traditions and keeping doing them because you don’t know how long you’re going to have before they are taken away. Remember the people who you have lost and remember that they still love you.

I will always remember my Nonna and my grandfather. I’m sure you all have people you miss. That’s the curse of christmas, I guess. It is meant to be such a joyful time, but you can’t help but remember the people who aren’t there.

Happy Christmas everyone.

 

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