2 days

Dear Granddad,

Is that all I get now? 2 days? This whole year has come around almost and all I have left is 2 days? When did life pass me by? When did everything move on? When did everyone else move on?

You have been gone 364 days as last year was a leap year, but you didn’t get to see it. 2 days…I just can’t seem to get that out of my mind…this time last year I was telling myself, pushing myself to go and see you. You know how much I hate hospitals and I knew that you would be there, but you wouldn’t be there if you understand what I mean, but I needed to see you…I needed to say…goodbye…I guess without actually realising it.

Your hands were so cold and I remember that, but I wish I could go back and lay down on your chest to hear that tick tick ticking of your heart because of your heart operations…I never thought I’d miss the ticking of your heart or your bony fingers or your voice…I miss you talking to me.

I guess the old saying ‘you never know what you have until you lose it’ has really taken a punch at me and I miss you so god-damned much.

For you Grandad:

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

I’m everything I am
Because you loved me
You helped to mould me and helped to make me who I am, but without you…after you left me…it’s hard to know who I am really…I mean I know who I am, but you were always there to keep me sane and calm and talk to me and let me stay with you when I fought with my parents (dad) and…just…everything really…

And now…now I have two days left until your one year anniversary comes around and the memories of that day have to come to me…I don’t know if I can face Sunday…

So with two days left before the year comes full circle…it gives me time to reflect on everything that has happen this year and let me say…a lot of it was crappy, but there were areas that were good and that’s what I focus on…because if I let the crappiest and saddest moments take over me then I’d be lost in this sadness forever and I don’t want that, I want to be happy some times…

Granddad, as this year comes to an end, I want for us to all get through it relatively unhurt and for the scars of this year to heal over eventually. I want to get better and I especially want mum to get better, but then only time will tell.

I love you Granddad and I miss you.

2 days till the worst day of my life has come again, just one year later

I’ll see you eventually.

Love your granddaughter.

Advertisements

About oddchildout

18 and at University. Good with computers, well I have to be when I work with them and getting a degree in them, I guess. I live at home with my parents and two sisters. Not much really, but I am the Oddchildout.
This entry was posted in Me and my family and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s