Hi, this must be your knife in my back…

Sometimes, the people who You thought you were closest are the people who are really strangers in the end

No matter how far I try to get away from the past and everything that has happened, it always comes back to haunt me. I try to fade the memories and kill off the feelings, but they burn brighter when anyone talks about it. Why do people who are meant to care for you treat you this way? People need to learn to respect each other before Karma comes back and bites them for it. I can’t be asked to deal with two timing, backstabbing, soulless people who care more about themselves than others. I have no time for them or people who hurt or upset me.

Now you make think this is just me ‘bitching’ and ‘moaning’ about someone who has hurt me, but up till now I have kept relatively quiet about a HUGE reason behind why I have had a tough time with my family and why I am angry at my nan. Some of you may also think that I am blaming her, but let me just shed a few truths to the matter.

  1. Yes, I blame her for me turning to antidepressants. Because:
    • I didn’t need them before she turned her back on me
    • I didn’t need them before she started to back stab me by talking about me behind my back
    • I didn’t need them before she started to say that she wasn’t going to help me
    • I didn’t need them before she basically started to tease me with my granddad‘s money
    • I didn’t need them before she messed with my head

    2. Yes, I blame her for my granddad’s illness getting so bad that he died. Because:

    • As his wife she should have been around more often
    • She shouldn’t have gone away so much
    • She should have noticed that something was wrong
    • She should have cared for him
    • She shouldn’t have cared so much about her image that she let her husband fall through the cracks.

    3. Yes, I think she is a backstabbing, money hungry, snobby bitch because:

    • From the moment I was doing my A Levels, my granddad always said that he would pay for my tuition, all of it and she was always there when he said it. I always said that it was too much and that it was fine, but even She said that they had the money. As soon as my granddad dies she tells me she can’t pay for all of it, maybe half and now nothing! BECAUSE ALL THE MONEY IS IN THAT WASTEFUL CARAVAN THAT YOU ARE NOT USING BECAUSE YOU ARE ON A BLOODY CRUISE WHEN YOU SAID YOU HAD NO MONEY TO SPARE TO PAY TOWARDS MY TUITION, you lying sack of *****!!! (I put the stars in).

    4. She wants to be worshipped and I won’t do it!

    • I was a grandma’s girl till I was about 14 and then my granddad became my everything and she never liked the fact that my granddad cared more about my mother and I than her.
      5. She turned his funeral into a farce and it was all about her!

      • He never wore a tux – she cremated him in a tux
      • He loved Animal from the Muppets – she wouldn’t let there be anything from the muppets in the coffin
      • He loved classical music – she had Queen (her favourite band) playing.
      • He wanted his ashes to be scattered in Yorkshire – a small tin at that was scattered and he was over 6 foot tall. He’s in a cherry coloured box in her living room!!

      6. Their house is now all about her and her precious grandson, Ashley!!

      • She’s brought up that table that he hated
      • She’s decorated the house with all Ashley’s old football trophies!

    Now I know some of you may be thinking that she’s just lost her husband and that we should be there for her through this difficult time, but who clears out EVERYTHING to do with their partner and makes sure that there is nothing that was their’s in the house a week after their death! The man wasn’t even cremated yet and she was throwing his stuff out.


I know that you are thinking that I am just ranting here, but I don’t see why I should even pretend to play nice with a woman who turns her back on her family. She disowned one of her daughters and now the other one hates her. Her son can act like he loves her, but he lives in Wales for christ’s sake, he doesn’t have to deal with her! She talks about me and my mother behind her back, she says that we don’t bother to try with her, but I did. I tried for months after granddad died until she got too much that I couldn’t take the knife being in my back anymore.

But now, whenever I have buried the feelings and the hate and the sadness that I had towards her, someone says something about what has happened and someone reminds me of what she did to me and it hurts even more because I have to remember that it feels like my grandmother hates me and that money is more important to her than family is. She WAS my nan. She WAS meant to love me unconditionally, but it seems that with her there was always a condition and I am sick of her playing the ‘oh woe is me’ card because that shit don’t work anymore.

If my  future husband died before me, I would not:
1. Throw out his stuff a week after his death
2. Spend his money on a cruise for myself
I would:
1. honour his wishes, written or verbal
2. think about how my family is taking it as well as myself

In the end I say that my nan is not a very nice woman and I will have nothing more to do with her. She is not worth my time or energy but I wish I could tell her to her face how she has made me feel and what she has done to me. I wish she could feel my hurt and my pain, but she still only cares for one person, herself.


About oddchildout

18 and at University. Good with computers, well I have to be when I work with them and getting a degree in them, I guess. I live at home with my parents and two sisters. Not much really, but I am the Oddchildout.
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5 Responses to Hi, this must be your knife in my back…

  1. Verry beautyful.thank !

  2. Ally says:

    Do you know the full story behind her reasons though?

  3. Pingback: Family « Brandon Bored

  4. Pingback: One wish…but no… | Keep Being Strong

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