You are doing better than you think you are.
I knew I was good at ICT – technology and I knew I was good at making up websites, but I never thought I would be so good as to actually be needed.
I was used to people coming up to me and asking if I could help them, but then they would disappear the moment that they got my help and it made me feel like there was no point in my helping people anymore as they are really ungrateful, but now my opinion has changed and I have surprised even myself.
I thought I would suck at programming and truth be told I am not the best, but when it comes to HTML and making websites, I am actually better than I thought I was and I breeze through it quite fast, which is helpful. I am glad that I am smart enough and cunning enough to be needed by other people who are unsure on certain sections.
And the people that I help are not like the people that I used to help. They are actually grateful and keep coming back, but not just for my help, but for my friendship and they protect me. (They’re boys and are older than me). They make sure that I am safe and that they can find me after their classes to make sure that I am not hurt. They text me, call me, BBM me to make sure that I am home safe and that I have had stuff to eat. It has made me realise that maybe there is still some good in humanity and it surprises me.
What surprises me the most is that I can let myself open up and be honest with them. I will tell my friend about me if he asks me and before, I would have been really closed off. I would have been the girl with undiagnosed depression with a book in her hand and her headphones on. Yes, I am still like that if I am on my own, but if I am with someone that I know, I put technology away more than I used to and I more open.
I surprise myself because before if someone asked me to come to their house to help them with work when they lived an hour and a half away and they wanted to meet at 8 at night, I would have instantly said NO WAY! But I have realised that sometimes you need to take a leap of faith and I am so glad that I did because if I hadn’t then I would not have met my new friends.
In a way, I feel like I am back being my 9 year old self. This time 9 years ago I had two main male friends and was a happy 9 year old with loads of friends, but today 9 years ago I shattered my leg due to a growth (tumour) and my world fell apart. Now, 9 years later I am close friends with two guys and things will be different because I look at the world differently. Yes, I have had the crappiest year on record and yes, there are a few people that I could really live without and there are a few people that I hate, but I am getting better. I have never felt so free, so myself.
So see what makes you surprise yourself and what makes you realise that you are doing better than you thought you were.
Nevermind what others do, do better yourself. Beat your own records everyday and aim for a better tomorrow.