How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
I know that dads find it hard to let their little girls go and to let them grow up, but for the love of christ I am 18 now with my own job and good grades. My dad has got to get his head away from this Cro-magnon way of thinking.
My dad believes that he has to be the main breadwinner and that he has to protect us, etc. The thing is that he needs to wake up and swallow his damn pride! I have a job, yes and I work 8 hours a day per day on the weekends. Yes, I am helping you and mum pay bills that we have because of nan being a bitch and granddad died, but there is nothing we can do about it.
My dad is such a contradicting hypercritic that it makes my head spin so fast. One moment he is saying how we wants to know more about my life and be more involved, the next he is saying that I go on about it too much and that he doesn’t want to know about my school work as he sucks at school. He says that he wants to be more involved in my life and more appreciated and then when I do that, he says I am being a lump and smothering him. He says that he wants me to get a job and when I do, he tells me to quit the moment it takes over. I can’t win, ever!
I know that it is a lot for a man to admit that he needs help and that he especially needs help from his 18-year-old daughter, but that is what I am here for. I am here to help. The whole point of me getting a job was not so I could buy textbooks because I am have that grant to do that, it was to make sure that we could stay afloat until next year. Yes, it hurts me and yes, I have lost my voice because of it, but that’s life. Working sucks and it is hard, but I have to learn how to do it.
I sometimes want to scream that I am not 2 years old anymore and that he can’t keep treating me as such. I will not be a housewife when I grow older and I know that most of the time, my father would never want that for me, but the only way that I will ever get the skills to have a life is if I have a job.
Either way I can’t win with my dad. I can’t help him, but if I don’t he’ll drown in the sea of life and if I ignore him, he calls me ignorant. If I include him in my life, he gets confused and if I don’t, he says I don’t need him as much.
I get that it is hard for dads to say good-bye to their little girls, but if he is this difficult now then what is he going to be like when I am getting married or having children or moving to America? If I moved out, which at times like now I want to do by this time next year, then he will realise how much I was there for him and how much different it is without me.
It is so much to ask that he talks to me like the adult I am and not huff and puff about everything in his room? Yes, we are having money issues, but deal with it. We will be ok soon and I am here to help, not sit on my ass all day being bored or doing school work because how else will I pay off £25,500 worth of school debt. I need this job.
He’s been like this since I turned 16 and he is only getting worse. I am a blonde, blue-eyed 18-year-old woman with a lot of personal experiences to speak of and I am not a 2-year-old wide-eyed little girl who looks up at adults with a scared look. I am older, wiser and smarter than I was at 2 and I want to be treated like the adult that I am sometimes.
I am no ones little girl because I am neither little nor a girl. I am as tall as my dad and I am an adult according to society. I am a woman as my godfather calls me and I don’t belong to anyone, but myself.
I understand I’m supposed to be feminine and dainty, but I’m not. There are two sides to the coin. People are more impressed with things that I do because they almost treat you as if you’re handicapped if you’re a woman…