Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway
My mother said once that she was proud of me for admitting that I am not as strong as I try to make people think that I am, but to admit to her that I am actually very scared about going to University and that I don’t think I can do it, is something that I will have until I can prove to myself that I can actually do it because I can and I will.
Admitting that you are scared is something that I know is hard and it makes you want to run away and hide, but who does that help? I mean really? Let me tell you a story about a small, fragile, good little 11-year-old girl with light brown hair and odd teeth.
This little girl went to secondary school with fear in her heart and terrible confidence issues, she had been plagued by the inability to walk or do anything normal since she shattered her leg when she was 9 due to a tumour (Non-cancerous) and so people had made her an outcast while she was in year 6. She was also a year behind everyone else because she had missed year 5, so while she was with the correct year, she wasn’t as smart. She was mature beyond her years and so when she went to secondary school she wanted to be different, to fit in, but things were not to be.
This poor little girl was picked on by the people in her class because she was too nice and teachers liked her more than other people. They picked on her because she started to be smart and she was quiet. She didn’t stand up to them and she kept to herself. She had “friends”, but they quickly turned to enemies because she wasn’t like the rest of her class. She wasn’t popular. She was bullied.
Her first year of year 7 was hell for her and some days she would lie in bed wishing that she wasn’t herself and that she was someone else. She wished that she didn’t have to go to school and that people would be nice to her just for today.
This little girl changed in year 8, she started to yell back and people started to back off because she found her voice. I know, what you are thinking, what happened to this little girl? Well she’s me.
I made a group of friends in year 8, lost them in year 9 and come year 10, I was popular with a better group of friends and no one was mean to me because I stood up for myself. I stood up for what I believed in, but I wouldn’t be standing where I am now – straight teeth, glasses, blonde and at university – if it wasn’t for what I went through in year 7. It made me grow up and that realise that it’s ok to be scared, but it takes strength to get out of bed each day to go and so the things that scare you.
Now what I am scared about is going to university and being that year 7 girl again where I have no friends and no one close. The thing is that I don’t have 3 years to find myself and I am going to miss my current friends so much that I don’t think I will ever be able to find people like them, but that is what growing up is all about. Getting older and realising that you leave people behind, but if they care enough, they’ll never be gone and with the help of Facebook, Twitter and Skype they are never more than a ping away.
So yes, I am scared, but like I have said before…I fight…and to get out of bed when I am scared out of my mind proves that although I am scared and want to cry, I am strong because I am powering through it.
Just break down and cry because you are scared and don’t know what’s next.